How to Write a ‘Dear John’ Letter

If you’ve finally decided to end your relationship with your boyfriend, but you don’t want to call or face them in fear that you will be begged not to break up, the best way is to write a Dear John letter.
Dear John letters are hard to write, but it gives you an opportunity to find the right words. When breaking up with someone, you should consider their feelings. The person you write to will be hurt, so writing will be a delicate process. But it can be successful as long as you are tactful and respectable.

Do’s:

  • List some good points about the person you write.
  • Say “Thank you” for all good times you’ve spent together.
  • Be clear that the relationship is over.
  • Draw a little smiley face after signature – the world needs more smiles!
  • Keep a sense of humor throughout the letter.

Dont’s

  • Don’t call the person you write “John.” Unless their real name is John.
  • Don’t write anything negative or harsh.
  • Don’t forget to say “I know you tried…” That will ease the burden of guilt of the person you write to.
  • Don’t ramble. Make your letter short and sweet.
  • Don’t give a hope that you will be a couple again.

Guidelines – How to Write “Dear John” Letter

    1. When starting a letter, you need to put yourself in their shoes. It will help you to construct simple and clear text.
    2. The letter should cause minimal pain. List their good and bad points in a positive way. With this list, try to explain why you made a decision of breaking up. You can specify one of your friends as someone more attractive. Tell what exactly is the meaning of your life and what relationships you want to have.
    3. Clearly tell the person that you want to terminate the relationship, leaving no doubt.
    4. Give one main explanation why the relationship is not working. It can be something like “I don’t feel love at all. But I can say it is not about you.”
    5. Mention something positive you learned from the situation, remind about a great contribution this relationship made to your life. Also mention some episodes of good times spent together – cherish the memories.
    6. Remember how important their understanding is to you – ask for their understanding many times in the letter.
    7. If the break-up is connected with moving one of you out of home, express in the letter that you will be fair with belongings. If you ask them to move out from your home, give them a period of time to save up money and find their own place to live.
    8. At the end of the letter, wish them luck in future relationships and let them know that you may remain friends.
    9. If you decided to send the letter in person, make sure that person doesn’t have an escape route. Email is probably the best.
    10. To make the letter more soft, try to eliminate all criticism. You can save the letter for the next day and re-read it several times. Try to find hidden nuances within the text that might offend them. Don’t forget that the person that will read your letter will think something like “What’s wrong with me?”

Think carefully while writing a Dear John letter. Try to understand that the other person’s feelings are different than your own. Remember, if you can break up with a person without a writing them a letter, you need not write one.

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